We've all heard the popular mantra: "You can be anything you want to be." It sounds encouraging, even loving. But as Christian parents, we know that this well-meaning phrase can be misleading. The Bible warns us, "There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death" (Proverbs 14:12, NIV). Our feelings are not always reliable guides. Teaching our children to respect reality—God's reality—is a crucial part of raising them in the faith.
This doesn't mean we become cynical or crush our children's dreams. Rather, we help them understand that true freedom and fulfillment come from aligning their lives with God's design, not from following every whim of their hearts. As James Wood puts it, we want to raise "reality respecters"—people who see the world as it truly is, not as they wish it to be.
What Does It Mean to Be a Reality Respecter?
A reality respecter is someone who humbly acknowledges that there is an objective truth created by God. They resist the cultural pressure to redefine reality based on personal feelings or popular opinion. This means teaching our children that some things are simply true, whether we feel like it or not. For example, a man cannot become a woman, and not all paths lead to peace. As Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6, NIV).
Being a reality respecter also means accepting the limitations and brokenness of our fallen world. We don't pretend that sin and suffering don't exist. Instead, we face them with honesty, trusting that God is sovereign and that His story of redemption is unfolding.
How Expressive Individualism Conflicts with Christian Faith
Expressive individualism—the belief that you must be true to your inner self above all else—has become the default worldview in many societies. It tells us that happiness comes from expressing our authentic desires, regardless of external standards. But Scripture teaches that our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and that we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). As parents, we must gently but firmly guide our children away from this self-centered philosophy.
Instead, we point them to Christ, who said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24, NIV). True fulfillment is found not in self-expression but in self-denial for the sake of the Gospel.
Parenting Within the Biblical Story
The Bible presents a grand narrative: creation, fall, redemption, and restoration. When we help our children understand their lives within this story, they learn to interpret their experiences through God's eyes.
Creation: The World Is Good
God made everything good, including our children. We affirm their God-given gifts and callings. But we also teach them that goodness is defined by God, not by our feelings. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (Psalm 139:13, NIV). Our children are wonderfully made, but they are made for God's purposes, not their own.
Fall: The World Is Broken
Because of sin, the world is not as it should be. Children need to understand that bad things happen—sickness, death, disappointment—not because God is unloving, but because we live in a fallen world. This honesty helps them develop resilience and trust in God's ultimate plan. "For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope" (Romans 8:20, NIV).
This also means that discipline and consequences are part of loving parenting. Proverbs 13:24 says, "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them" (NIV). Loving correction helps children understand that actions have consequences and that God's ways are for their good.
Redemption: Hope in Jesus
The good news is that God didn't leave us in our brokenness. Through Jesus's death and resurrection, we can be forgiven and restored. We teach our children that no matter how badly they mess up, there is always grace. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8, NIV).
Restoration: A Future Promise
One day, Jesus will return and make all things new. This hope gives us strength to endure present hardships. We teach our children to look forward to that day when "there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain" (Revelation 21:4, NIV).
Practical Ways to Raise Reality Respecters
Here are some concrete steps to help your children embrace God's reality:
- Model humility. Admit when you're wrong. Show your children that you also submit to God's truth.
- Ask questions. Instead of lecturing, ask, "What does God's Word say about this?" or "How does this fit with what we know about God?"
- Read the Bible together. Regularly discuss stories that illustrate the difference between following God and following feelings.
- Limit exposure to unbiblical messages. Be aware of the media your children consume. Discuss how shows or books may promote worldly values.
- Pray together. Ask God for wisdom to discern truth and courage to live it out.
Conclusion: A Question for Reflection
As you seek to raise children who respect reality, consider this: Are you more concerned with your child's happiness or their holiness? The two are not always the same. True joy comes from walking in God's ways, even when it's hard. May we, by God's grace, teach our children to love the truth and to find their identity in Christ alone.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
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